Have you ever met someone and wished you had a crystal ball to see into the future?

Would he like your friends? Your family?
Is he a good communicator?  Is he kind?
Does he have the potential to be that amazing partner-in-crime you have been looking for?

“Love is blind” is a quote I believe in whole-heartedly, but in a little different way than most. I find most people blindly look for love hoping to “bump” into the right person. They shit their eyes and start to just feel.  Looking for the connection, spark and attraction. Which in theory is good, but doesn’t help you figure out if they are someone you can actually have a healthy relationship with.

It is great if you have chemistry and both of you like The Walking Dead but if you aren’t aware of the all the other important stuff – core values, communication, deal breakers – you are probably going to wake up one day and realize you wasted your time and boy, that shit sucks.

I am not the dating fairy who can sprinkle magic dust and show you five, ten or 15 years down the line.  But, by keeping your eyes open, you’d be surprised how much you can really learn about a person without spending the next six months wading around in a questionable relationship.  Remember as you start to get to know them that when they show you who they are…believe them.

In honor of Halloween!  Here are 5 types you can watch for that you should walk (err…run) away from…immediately: 

1. Denny Downer Syndrome: He is a great guy but has been dealt a “bad hand.” He works so hard at everything yet no one notices or appreciates him. He is always getting the raw end of the deal and for no apparent reason!  Life is just always so tough. {CLICK HERE FOR FUN and push play.}

I am getting super fucking depressed just writing this. We all know at least a few of these people – the constant victims in their own life. The people that never get a break.  That life seems to keep them down so they can never feel good.

Listen, I don’t mean to sound callous.  We all have bad days and bad situations…that’s life.  But, the guy who is truly suffering from the “downer syndrome” is probably making choices that are keeping him unhappy. Keeping him in his situations.

Plus, not only will his negativity rub off on you, but it is exhausting spending all of your time listening to his problems and telling him it will get better soon.  My guess is if he can’t figure out how to solve these problems, he won’t have much to offer to a healthy relationship (much less to you, when you have an occasional bad day).

2.  The Overachievers: He loves his life! When he isn’t working 70+ at his full-time job, he is also working just as hard at his part-time business or passion. In his “free time” he is training for the Ironman or hanging with the guys. It takes him two weeks just to schedule a date.

This one is deceptive because we are excited about motivation and a full, exciting life.  Right?  But we are so excited we miss this red flag. Because as cool as his jobs or passions are, there is a point that you will need to wave your arms and say, “Excuse me, but, um where would I fit in?”

It is great that he has so many wonderful things in his life; but with a schedule like that he has unconsciously decided not to make relationships one of them. Healthy relationships are for real people who have space in their life. It is very important that your date has a life, friends, goals and passions. But, if this person doesn’t have time for dating, he isn’t going to have time for you and a real relationship.

3.  Anger Management Needed: This is a classic red flag ignored time and time again. I have heard women make all the excuses. He just has a lot of passion or he is particular about the way he likes things. Make all the excuses you want, but if he is yelling at the waiter because his steak isn’t prepared to his liking or is rude to coffee shop employees, you can safely peek into what the future might be like with this person.

We have all seen the poor woman who spends half of her existence apologizing for her husband’s rude behavior and unless you want to be that person, run – do not walk – in the other direction.

4.   Ex Trash Talker: “She was absolutely crazy. She was super clingy. I had no idea she would back her car into my truck 26 times.”

Anyone who is actually dealing with someone who is mentally ill is NOT going to speak about her that way.  Or fucking shouldn’t.  That would make him super shitty.

Most likely, he was in an unhealthy relationship full of fear (jealousy, zero trust and communication, etc) and that he helped make that way.  Plus, if it was that bad…why did he choose to date her for three years – heck, even six months – that was pretty much his choice. In fact, if his ex was so bad, why did this even get off the ground?  As my Grandma always said, “it takes two to tango”. If he let that person into his life and then stuck around for it, that was a choice and there was a reason he made it.

5. Mr. One-Upper: You volunteer locally.  He did a month long relief effort. You like alternative music.  He has hung out with Chris Martin, from Coldplay, numerous times.  They are like BFFs.

It is great that he has traveled the world, has had incredible experiences and seems well connected. Unfortunately in Mr. One-Upper’s eyes, your accomplishments will never be quite as good as his, your dreams not as big and your life not as important. He is never going to let you shine in the relationship and everybody needs to shine.  You want someone who can not only share and celebrate his experiences, but yours too!

Your Halloween Adventure:

Sit down for 10 minutes and journal the shit out of this…  Have you ever dated any of these types?  What other qualities have shown up in your past relationships that you should have paid attention to?  Is there a pattern here? A negative type that you keep going back to?  Why?

WANT TO keep up with rd?

Join the RD newsletter.

I only send interesting and relevant emails. I don’t even know how to sell your emails.  Who does that?

© 2024 · Reinventing Dating · All rights reserved.

come check out MY monthly workshop

every month!