NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE NEED FOR ATTENTION

I feel like there is a big awkward turtle in the room that no one seems to be talking about. Good thing I am the queen of awkward!  Oh, wait…

Flashback Moment:  {start doing the Wayne’s World arms and sound here}

You have met someone and they are incredible. TADA!  When you see them it is nothing less than magical.  The time you spend together is exciting and you are definitely smitten. However, after a few dates you realize there is something not quite right. They are “on” when you are around them, but then you don’t hear from them for days. Sometimes longer. Just when you have given up, they whisk right back into your life and charm your socks off again, making you hopeful and  thinking this time it is going to move into that next step.  It just never does.

Why the hell do people do that?  Right?

If there is someone who is giving you time, but never real or consistent time, NEVER underestimate the need for attention.

That’s right, no one wants to admit it, but we love when people like us.  It feels good.  It reaffirms us.  It makes us feel less weird, alone, crazy or any other place that we go to when our brain goes to the dark side.  I know you know what I am talking about.

It is really easy to get caught up in the “but we are so connected and have such a great time together” moment and then jump on the roller coaster of crazy as we wonder when they are going to pop back into our lives again.  We may even like them so much we just figure if we wait around long enough they will come around.  Spoiler alert!  They will not.

For you see, I will say this once and I will say it again.  When someone is really digging on you and is interested in seeing where this is going to go, they will let you know.  They will contact you in three days or less.  They will ask you out and get you on the calendar.  They will continue to do this because they do not want you dating other people.  No matter how great of a time you had, how good it was in the beginning, how strong the connection is, if their behavior is sketchy and inconsistent they are not really interested in a long-term relationship with you.  They may not even know it, but this is one of those “actions speak a heck of a lot louder than words” situations.  Listen to them.

So how do you stop this infuriating behavior from happening, Sugar Pants?

You show up from the beginning and Teach People How To Treat You.  It is our job to take care of ourselves in relationships.  Set up healthy boundaries, ask for what we need, express our concerns when they come up and if you aren’t doing that, guess what?  You are never going to get what you need.  You will be sitting there hoping they will figure it out and then be disappointed over and over when they don’t.  However, these really strong and healthy relationships that we are aiming for don’t have two people who are super mind readers, they talk their sh*t out.  They know themselves well enough to be fully present in all steps of the process and start working with the other person right away to see if they can work together to craft a stellar relationship that is living, breathing and growing.

Do you not know what you need?  How to ask for it?  Hello!  I am a life coach and that is what I do, silly.  Let’s get this shit worked out already, ok?

 Adventure of the Day:

How are you teaching people to treat you when you first meet them?  Are you bending over backwards and are you willing to do that for the rest of the relationship?  Are you starting how you want it to finish?  Are you showing how you like to communicate?  Solve problems?  Be loved?  If not, then how are they supposed to know?

 

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